I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
