I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I think people are normalizing furries
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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