I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
