I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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