I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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