you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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