Moan for me like Helen Keller
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
