i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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