Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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