Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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