I'm eating all of the evidence.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
