Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
