I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
