SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
