I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Randomize
