if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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