too bad you live with your parents still
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
