all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
