you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
