I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
