i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
