24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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