we have pet lesbian snakes
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
