this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
