i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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