Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
