did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
