Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
