everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
