I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
