I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
