Girls should come with a carfax report
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
