if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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