New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
