Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
