He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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