If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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