Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
