Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
