so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
