We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
