I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
she peed on how many people?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
