My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
