I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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