No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
