i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
