I have demons in me.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
