you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I will pee on everything he values.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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