Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Last time i carry you out of a forest
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
