WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
