Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Pooping to opera.
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