Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
