he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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