You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
