I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
